Feeding My Art and Starving My Doubts, Guest Blog by Lace

Guest Blog by Lace, longtime friend, writer, artist, composer, and co-member on the Rutgers Annual Writers Conference Advisory Board for three years

A brief essay about the way I am changing my beliefs about myself as a writer and photographer

A fellow writer shared with me the number of hours he writes per day. When I heard that, I cringed. I could no longer deny the truth. I realized if not for the other creative mediums I work in, which require descriptions, I would not be able to say I had written this year. My writing was not thriving because I was only giving it crumbs of time.

   Based on my lack of submissions made and unfinished story ideas sitting in a stack on my desk, I can confirm the writer in me is malnourished. I talk myself out of my own ideas before I even consider sharing them with the world. The doubters in my life told me: “One cannot make a living as an artist or writer.” It caused me to respond with what I call ‘The Why Bothers’.

   I am no longer in a relationship with the originators of those negative statements, but their words remain mine to wrestle with. In the stillness of my home, now alone, I can hear my heart. It allows the ideas that were only a whisper and hidden to keep safe from doubters, to speak up. They are roaring.

   I wrestle with the doubting words by printing out every compliment said about my writing. I posted these by my drawing board where I brainstorm every idea. I also post them on my computer monitor and my dashboard. I am shocked by how many times I need to look at them.

I phoned a financial advisor who said I had no finances for him to advise me on, and I needed revenue. He suggested I hire a career coach to help me combat the doubts instilled in me and build my own space as a professional. I was skeptical but followed his guidance.

   The result is two businesses: www.writtenylace.com and www.seekfirstphotos. My coach taught me to do something the doubters prevented: embrace my creativity and take up all the space I need in the world.  

   I am not treating these businesses like a hobby, which is something that just supports itself. Instead, I expect them to be businesses which will turn a profit and provide my material needs. I obtained business licenses and business banking accounts. I am taking myself seriously as a creative professional for the first time in my life.

   My house is now full of stacks of papers that are organized into submission entries, easels full of paintings, tripods set up for photographs, and a music room with pencils and composition sheets for the songs I compose. I set goals for writing submissions and art shows for the first quarter of next year.

   The more I say “Yes” to my creative choice of the day, the more the doubtful voices fall mute. What we feed grows. I am feeding my writing and art and growing my businesses. I am starving doubt. My writing has a chance to thrive now.

   How will you nourish your writing and other art forms?

   What is your writing hungry for?